our worlds collide

I've finally started my internship and it really is a new experience. I now understand how tiring it is and all I wanna do after work is to go home and sleep. I don't like heels and office wear, makes me uncomfortable all over ):
But I'm glad the lord has guided my footsteps to where I am. I can just see all his fingerprints even though it's only been the first week. So much favor, blessings and being at the right place at the right time. I continue to believe for more favor..
Walked a lot today during and after work. Aching. Can u imagine? Walkin in heels till thighs ache. That's a lot of walking. Lol. Okayy tired, no more writing.

Just wanna say that I sometimes use this to vent my anger. I usually don't blog bout happy things cuz then there will not be a need to write it down. So normally bad things are written here. But writing it down somehow immediately makes things better for me.. That's just how I am.. Used to blog everyday when I was in my puberty stage and that probably helped to ease a lot of angst.. Haven been doing that much ever since. Probably that's why a lot of angst built up and feeling so stressed. Oh well..

Glad I might be given a chance to handle ocbc's social media. Looking forward (:

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I'm so pissed and irritated right now. I don't even think I want to put up with all the shit , there's always a limit to what someone can take and I feel that mine is being pushed constantly. If not for love, I would have long ago given up trying. I'm treated like a punching bag, and I feel like the guy in a relationship giving into an unreasonable girlfriend.
Let's not even talk about expecting a guy to treat me as he would in a korean drama, that's asking for too much. Though I don't think that's too much to hope for. Who can't have high dreams and hopes? Who's to say i can't have that kind of love I want? But someone feels that he has the right to ask me to stop hoping. Only the start and I'm asked to stop dreaming. My life is built on dreams, that's how I achieve things. That's how i live my life and motivate myself. But someone can just come into my life and tell me otherwise. Reality check much? I dont think so, it's just being plain mean and inconsiderate.
I'm told to not expect much, but I am expected to be so much. I'm being pulled one way in this relationship and I'm not one to be bullied this way, it's just not how I'm brought up to be. I'm sick of all the sorries that are being said just so that he feels better. It makes me sound like the unforgiving one but what's there to forgive when they're just words used to brush me off? It just pushes the problem back, covers it up and wrapped up with a ribbon on top. But guess what? It is still there. The problem doesn't go off. Instead it is there to continue being accumulated. And more sorries( wrapping) is just used. What do u think I am?
Why don't I confront with all this? Because your too prideful for me to say anything. What am I? I'm below u. Despite what u say. But it's things u do to show that. Why am I being the target of temper throwing for a simple mistake? Which i don't even feel is
a mistake but a miscommunication? And when I feel unhappy, I'm just told to stop it. I can't rant on, I'm not allowed to feel unhappy. Im honestly SICK of this.

And now I'm going to have to cut short this post because I need to fetch him. Yes. Not he fetch me but now I'm expected to fetch him. Even when I'm not feeling well, and gotta exercise with him. Because if I don't it's my fault for him being fat. I might be sick at work for the remaining week, but who cares? Being fat is more important. Just a lack of discipline becomes my fault. Argh. Sick of this sick of this. Stupid nose.

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I'm so pissed and irritated right now. I don't even think I want to put up with all the shit , there's always a limit to what someone can take and I feel that mine is being pushed constantly. If not for love, I would have long ago given up trying. I'm treated like a punching bag, and I feel like the guy in a relationship giving into an unreasonable girlfriend.
Let's not even talk about expecting a guy to treat me as he would in a korean drama, that's asking for too much. Though I don't think that's too much to hope for. Who can't have high dreams and hopes? Who's to say i can't have that kind of love I want? But someone feels that he has the right to ask me to stop hoping. Only the start and I'm asked to stop dreaming. My life is built on dreams, that's how I achieve things. That's how i live my life and motivate myself. But someone can just come into my life and tell me otherwise. Reality check much? I dont think so, it's just being plain mean and inconsiderate.
I'm told to not expect much, but I am expected to be so much. I'm being pulled one way in this relationship and I'm not one to be bullied this way, it's just not how I'm brought up to be. I'm sick of all the sorries that are being said just so that he feels better. It makes me sound like the unforgiving one but what's there to forgive when they're just words used to brush me off? It just pushes the problem back, covers it up and wrapped up with a ribbon on top. But guess what? It is still there. The problem doesn't go off. Instead it is there to continue being accumulated. And more sorries( wrapping) is just used. What do u think I am?
Why don't I confront with all this? Because your too prideful for me to say anything. What am I? I'm below u. Despite what u say. But it's things u do to show that. Why am I being the target of temper throwing for a simple mistake? Which i don't even feel is
a mistake but a miscommunication? And when I feel unhappy, I'm just told to stop it. I can't rant on, I'm not allowed to feel unhappy. Im honestly SICK of this.

And now I'm going to have to cut short this post because I need to fetch him. Yes. Not he fetch me but now I'm expected to fetch him. Even when I'm not feeling well, and gotta exercise with him. Because if I don't it's my fault for him being fat. I might be sick at work for the remaining week, but who cares? Being fat is more important. Just a lack of discipline becomes my fault. Argh. Sick of this sick of this. Stupid nose.

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I've been having bad dreams for the past two nights and it's really taking a toll on me because during the dream every single thing is so detailed down to the every dialogue and feeling I felt during the whole dream. If it's a nice dream it'll be so good but it's so sad and one whole night of feeling sad is so terrible. I don't know where all these thoughts and feelings came from which resulted in all these dreams, maybe it's in my subconscious which I have totally no time to reflect on. Which is why it's so shocking when it comes back to me in my dreams and yet it feels so shockingly real to my inner self. Sometimes I feel dreams really make me understand my inner feelings better.. because so many feelings are buried so deep that I don't even know but dreams help me realize this is how I am really feeling.

Sighs I need so time alone to self recuperate so that these feelings might gradually fade away. I feel like I might go crazy from school and I just wanna run away and do something else. Why does it feel like I'm the only one who cant cope with school despite being cca-less and not having any other responsibilities? I need a life. Away from school. School makes me depressed. No friends, no purpose, no time. I feel like just going overseas now for a getaway. And heck about school. I hate accounting, I hate coding, I hate rushing for deadlines, I hate projects, I hate school. Argh. I miss my daddy. He gave me stability for my future. Now my future is such a huge blank.

I want my old life back. The old me, my family and my carefree-ness.

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I've been having bad dreams for the past two nights and it's really taking a toll on me because during the dream every single thing is so detailed down to the every dialogue and feeling I felt during the whole dream. If it's a nice dream it'll be so good but it's so sad and one whole night of feeling sad is so terrible. I don't know where all these thoughts and feelings came from which resulted in all these dreams, maybe it's in my subconscious which I have totally no time to reflect on. Which is why it's so shocking when it comes back to me in my dreams and yet it feels so shockingly real to my inner self. Sometimes I feel dreams really make me understand my inner feelings better.. because so many feelings are buried so deep that I don't even know but dreams help me realize this is how I am really feeling.

Sighs I need so time alone to self recuperate so that these feelings might gradually fade away. I feel like I might go crazy from school and I just wanna run away and do something else. Why does it feel like I'm the only one who cant cope with school despite being cca-less and not having any other responsibilities? I need a life. Away from school. School makes me depressed. No friends, no purpose, no time. I feel like just going overseas now for a getaway. And heck about school. I hate accounting, I hate coding, I hate rushing for deadlines, I hate projects, I hate school. Argh. I miss my daddy. He gave me stability for my future. Now my future is such a huge blank.

I want my old life back. The old me, my family and my carefree-ness.

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It's so sad that recently time has become my enemy. There's just so many things to do that it's overwhelming me. I don't find much time to talk to him anymore. We're both so caught up with work, him obviously being more work. Normally when we are on msn we'll talk on video calls, but we don't even have the time and we'll just be doing our own things till bed time and just say good night. Even when he sends me home, he'll be playing his iPhone, and I'll be playing my own. There's just no point in him sending me home anymore, I'm a big girl I can take care of myself on the bus. This will only tire him out to do something which has no meaning at all. So I'm going home myself today.

He has so many problems that I can help him with and i can't do anything to make him feel better except not disturb him so that he has more time to settle his problems. I can't help him with school work, nor with siss work related stuff and all I do is bother him.

Today at the photoshoot, I can't even decide for myself which photo I wanted, it's like I need him to help me with everything but I can't do anything to help him. Everytime we're in a work related environment, I can't help him in anyway and I still yearn for his attention which is totally bad and I don't know why I feel this way. Sighs. I keep feeling over reliant on him and I don't like it. What's happening to me? I wanna find something to be busy with other than school too. All my time is spent on shaun-related stuff. All my free time in school is spent in the siss room either with his friends or alone. I wonder when I graduate from uni whether I wanna remember my uni days as only staying in that room and being with him. There's just nothing else in my life right now. And that is sad. I don't wan this. I know I've to be happy to have a good boyfriend, but slowly and surely I'm losing what I am, in this world, I'm just going to be known as his girlfriend and not amelia. What happened to those days in the past? Where I'm this independent girl who can face the world bravely though resulting in huge falls and disappointments. At least I made my own mistakes, I lived a life called amelia's life. Now.. Who am I? And why am I here? What am I doing with my life? This I would like to know..

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it's sad not to get stood up for, I've always felt this with groups of people I wonder why. It's like a natural phenomenon that occurs to me no matter where I go. Regardless of whether that group consists of people I know or not. Are my words so full meaningless that it does not matter? I know it might not but it just sucks to know that. I try my best to fit in, to belong but there isn't anywhere that I truly belong. And over time I realize that I'd rather withdraw into the background. I used to be full of confidence and speak my mind but as the years go by, regardless whether it's my family or friends, I slowly degrade and erode my self confidence till there's nothing left whatsoever. No matter how hard I try to forget that fact, it still remains that fact today. And it's sad. I'm sad. Period.

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Summer is great. Especially when you have someone special to share it with. (: here are some happy moments that I want to share since working at the rock now is super sian.

Lol, look who is the man!

Cooking nice food for me (:

Mee hoon kuay

Plane ride to hong kong!

American breakfast + rosti. Yummy yummy

Kimchi ramyun. Slurpsss

sat invigilation. Taken secretly! Lol.

my cute boy sleeping!!

Mirror mirror on the wall..

Desserts at Robertson quay.

We are growing fatter but happier by the days. (:

Aww I love looking at these pics and I promise myself that I must take more pics and record the moments! (: can't wait to see my baby later because I didn't see him for more than 1 day already. LOL. And although I'm super super tired now, gonna look forward to seeing him later.

Oh crap I feel like I'm having a stomach ache now oh noooo. ):

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Proud to announce the change in status from single to in a relationship! (: shaun chia hanfeng (:

Yes, it was a long struggle in the start because I was afraid about his good friend but after all the clearing up I realized I was worried for nothing. And so, I shall live happily ever after? LOL.

After all the hype on facebook, it is finally dying down and it's going to be on normal mode from now on I guess. I really want this to last and it's been so sweet so far. I feel like a princess when I'm with him and I can confidently say that I'll definitely be taken care of by him. It's like he is my boyfriend, mummy and daddy all at the same time and it feels safe with him. I can tell him almost anything and it's the same for him. YAY.

If I were to type down the whole story it would take agessssss, but I'm really bumped out about the fact that I haven't gotten any flowers YETTTT. boohooo. my favvvv. Alright but it's still a happily ever after anyway, post back soon!

BY THE WAY, IT'S SUMMERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!! PARTY PARTYYYY!

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